Life Lessons I Learned From Horror MoviesBy RodneyHatfieldJr for Into The Mind
Be honest, how many times have you cursed the TV while watching a horror movie? You’re not the only one. In fact, we thought people would have learned by now that there are just certain things you don’t do if you want to survive. Many years ago I learned it was just easier and less stressful if I turn the intelligent part of my brain off when watching movies. I enjoy them more when I do. Then at a recent meeting of the Brain Trust (autantonym name for three people who drink eats and discusses things), we were discussing lessons learned from horror movies.
With that in mind, I’ve come up with a top list of lessons learned from watching scary movies over the years.
Running upstairs is stupid
Unless ghouls and zombies are at the door, never run upstairs, unless you can fly or possess a steel-reinforced panic room. The same goes for going into the basement.
If the killer is coming through the front, just run out the back.
Weird noises are weird for a reason
You hear a strange noise, you should lock yourself in your room and call for help. It’s not going to be a kitty or the pipes, it’s going to be an ax-wielding psychopath or a monster from another world.
Skip buying the creepy toy
What normal person looked at the Chucky doll and though it was a nice toy for a child. Menially unstable people. The same goes for the hand-carved idol and rag dolls who have a running track record of every owner dying.
Let this be a lesson, dolls and other creepy-looking toys are evil and should be left on the shelf.
Hitchhikers are not good passengers
Honestly, who hitchhikes any more. This isn’t the 1970s. Only people who do are either meth heads who will crush your skull in with a hammer for the .85 cents on the dashboard or actual insane people who want to either wear or eat your skin.
This is especially true on a stormy night.
Never split up
If someone says this, it is best to tie them up and throw them outside for the killer. While he is killing them, you can escape.The reason why you never split up is odds. More people in a group, the smaller your chance of being killed. If you are dumb enough to split up, then everyone runs in different directions. Not even Jason can walk that fast to kill you all.
Haunted houses do not make good family homes
If you find a house you like for sale, check the newspaper archives for the address. The realtor doesn’t care that 47 people have been killed in the house, they are only looking for a commission. Bunch of vultures
Keep shooting/stabbing/ hitting the bad guy
Unless you are fighting ghouls/zombies, empty the clip. Then reload and empty it again. Just because they fall down, does not mean they are dead yet and you definitely shouldn’t go over and try to nudge them with your foot. Go to the police and let them come and nudge them.
Avoid reading ancient texts about demons
Why do I even have to mention this? HELLO. How do you think they get into this world in the first place?
Never ask, “who’s there?”
If you think someone is in your house that shouldn't be, why would you do this? Do you think they will say “I’m in the kitchen making pizza bagels. Want one"? Not only is it a stupid question but it gives away your position. You may as well say “here I am, come and get me.”
Fill the car with fuel
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It’s common-sense people. When the tank is at half, go fill it up. Never let it go below half. If you can’t fill it up, then do you really have the money to be going out anyway? Take classes or get another job to advance your standard of living. A tank of gas can save your life.
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